I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
