Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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