Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
