Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
