I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
