i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think your dad took our porno
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
