How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
