He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
