I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
