I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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