i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
