whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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