We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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