Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
