My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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