porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
