I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
