So drunk, too bad you don't want this
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
