I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My bed smells like the plague
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
