he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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