atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
