escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
