Plan B is the new Plan A
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You left your underwear on the fireplace
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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