Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
