I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
