My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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