glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
