I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
