I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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