Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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