The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
