I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
this just has baby written all over it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
