Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
