I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
