just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
