do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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