As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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