Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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