I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
