They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
