i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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