Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
