There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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