he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
