In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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