She's JV to your varsity
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize