Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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