she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
