You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
