we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize