I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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