I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
