I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
and you fell through a lawn chair
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
