I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
