it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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