I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
