She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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