I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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