Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize