i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
