I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
