I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
