You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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