The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
