i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
