can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
