my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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