Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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