highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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