so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
