I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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