someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
