I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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