WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
