I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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