Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
