You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
