You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
