Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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