You just made me feel so damn special
I wish I only lived at night.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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