i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
