The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
