I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize