I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
