you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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