But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When are your genitals available?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
