i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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