tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
