super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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