I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
