who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
