Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize