I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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