how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
